Death in the family

From www.fortwayne.com dated 25 July 2009

DAVID LEE RALSTON, 62, of Fort Wayne,
our beloved father, brother and son was
called home to our Lord and Savior, on
Tuesday, July 21, 2009. He was born on
Jan. 24, 1947. He is survived by his parents,
Lester and Marietta Ralston; two brothers,
Glenn (Loree) Ralston and Maurice (Maye)
Ralston; sister, Alta (Denny) High; son,
Martin (Hongling) Ralston; daughter,
Pamela (James) Nugent; and four
grandchildren, Nathanial, Jacob, Jade,
and Jaimee. Memorial service is 3 p.m.
today at Faith Baptist Church on Trier
Road, Fort Wayne. Arrangements by
C.M. Sloan & Sons Funeral Home,
1327 N Wells St.

I recently lost my brother and it has caused me to ponder on death and relationships and how we are affected by siblings and friends.

As a child my brother and I were not real close, there were 4 years differences in age and our interests were too different and he married and moved away when I was only about 14.

After I retired from the Navy I visited him in Florida and we had a great time getting reacquainted and we became best friends for the first time.

A couple of years went by and he moved back home and we hung out together going to dart leagues and parties etc. One thing we always talked about doing was going fishing together but we never did and now its too late.

While in the military I guess I was lucky, there were no major accidents where people I knew died. There were accidents but they were all survivable, like the one I remember from California where two of our aircraft mid aired over the field and crashed but the crews got out of the planes before impact using ejection seats.

So I really didn't have to deal with the deaths of people close to me until I retired and had friends die, due to age related illnesses.

As I age deaths of friends and family get easier and harder. Easier in that I handle it better, and harder because I have fewer friends and relatives, and the world gets lonelier.
If it wasn't for my wife, Maye, I don't know what I would do. She is my support, the rock that my world rests on.

Anyway when David died I lost my best friend. He and I didn't see each other very often but he would call me or I would call him with questions or just to talk. It is difficult to realize how much you depend on such relationships until they are gone.

My realization of how this has affected me made me wonder how many of us take such relationships for granted instead of cherishing them while they last.

I am beginning to continue on, poorer in spirit but we must go on, and the world doesn't miss a beat when we pass but just continues on. A few people will miss us but not for long as their memory dims with time, they will remember us from time to time but the world continues and other concerns interfere and memories fade.

I suppose that's a good thing in the scheme of things, we don't want to be paralyzed by grief and stop living when we lose a loved one. I guess that is why people put up monuments to the fallen to keep their name present among the living so that they are remembered and future generations can know what you have done and who you were and what you looked like.

Today we have photos and movies and the internet to keep our information out there, when I log on to facebook I still see him. He is still listed in my friends list and is a constant reminder of the loss and the friendship I had with my brother. It makes me feel like I could just pick up the phone and call him.

Intellectually I know he is gone but emotionally he is still there and will remain for probably months to come, and then the memory will fade and he will be just a memory of other times like childhood when we have grown.